NOW, REALLY AND TRULY, THE ACTUAL RESULTS OF THE 1ST ANNUAL “MOST CREATIVE TOP TEN FILM LIST” CHALLENGE OF 2008! (OH, AND I GUESS WE GOT A NEW PRESIDENT, TOO!)

by

First I must apologize that it took so long to decide, but seriously everyone put SO MUCH EFFORT into their lists, they were all so good in their own special ways, I decided I had to be more creative myself in the judging (as I invented the DAMN thing, after all!).  Taking a leaf from the GOLDEN GLOBE AWARDS, for as much as they get made fun of (by me (and the SIMPSONS)) in particular, they do several things SOOO MUCH BETTER than the ACADEMY AWARDS.  Serving booze and dinner to their long-suffering guests as the ceremony goes on and on and on and people start thanking their agent’s 3rd cousin 6X removed is one.  MAKING DIFFERENT CATEGORIES is another.  (I’ve decided that the OSCARS share a lot with the Electoral College System of Voting (?!!).  Everyone in contention complains how antiquated the systems for them are are, until they win.  And then they comment no more.  In other words, hypocrisy, thy name is Kevin Spacey, etc., etc., etc.  (I happen to adore Kevin Spacey (the “smartest guy in the room”), too.  Sigh.) SO, even though only one contestant wins the Grand Prize, I have determined different categories that ALL OF YOU WON in, and will be awarded……………………………….a  Cookie.  WHAT THE HELL, you scream, OBAMA WON!!!  Civil rights are back!!!  You’re giving me a flippin’ cookie?!!!  Do you have ANY IDEA how long writing that stupid thing TOOK?!!  To which I reply (as I’m very good at making up conversations), ah, but you haven’t HAD one of my cookies.  They are slightly smaller than a dinner plate.  Or a Frisbee.  And they are DELICIOUS, if I do say so myself.  And I DO.  So, for those of you NOT in Seattle or it’s environs, you can leave a comment at the end of this article and leave your address for me, and one will come to you (starting Feb. 5th, the next 2 weekends I am baking treats for the CHILDRENS FILM FESTIVAL SEATTLE 2009 so I will be just a tad occupied until then, allowing for a short recuperative period.)  If that doesn’t seem private enough for you, simply send a postcard or a letter to:  NWFF 1515 12th Ave Seattle, WA   98122 to the attention of NormaBates666, and it will get to me.

A drum roll please…………………………………………………..

The Person Who Takes the (White Russian) Cake is:

DAVID HANNIGAN!!!!!!!!!!!TADA!!!!!!!!

For the list entitled:

DAVE’S TOP 10 OF 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This list is so far out of the box (a list of Top 10 Film Stock of 2008!), so original, absurd and imaginative, it simply takes the conventional idea of a Top 10 List of Best/Worst Actor/Director/Film, and turns it inside out.  Paring it down to it’s absolute essence (kinda like that Robbie Williams video), rating the actual film stock all films are well, filmed on, itself– it’s just genius!  And the fact that probably only 6 other people in the world get the joke makes it even better!  (By the way, it upsets me greatly when someone is funnier than I am.  I’M the comic relief on this blog, Bobalooey, and don’t you forget it!!)

But then the rest of yours were brilliant too!  So, Cookies go to the following:

In the category of:  The Best List With The Largest Bucketful Of Cliches, That Was Unique In Talking About Films That Weren’t Released/Were Under-Appreciated:

CALEB, for the list entitled:  THE TOP TEN FILMS OF 2008 THAT COULDVE BEEN, SHOULDVE BEEN, BUT WEREN’T.  (I’ve never even heard of TRICK  OR TREAT, didja ever find out what happened there?  You showed a good knowledge of the industry, it was a very informative list to read, thanks!)

In the category of:  The List That Reflected The Best Taste In Films NOT Seen:

JOE, for the list entitled:  TOP TEN GREATEST MOVIES I TOTALLY MEANT TO SEE IN 2008 (HONEST!) (Seriously, excellent choices.  And on this blog, having someone compliment your taste in film actually MEANS a great deal, unlike all those other trivial blogs on the net!  Feel complimented!  Any non-attended films for this year so far ?  (I know it’s early, don’t worry, you literally have ALL year to miss stuff, from now on!)  (Thank God for Netflix, ehSeattles close to Canada, they make us put an eh in occasionally.)

In the category of:  The List I Was In Complete Agreement With In It’s Critiques:

SALVATORE, for the list entitled:  TOP TEN COMIC BOOK MOVIES THAT FALL SHORT BECAUSE THEY FAILED TO FOLLOW THE COMIC BOOK (Well, isn’t it cool Halle Berry was the ONLY actor to show up and get her RAZZIE for CATWOMAN?  And she even gave a speech!  Yours was an extremely detailed list, impressive!)

In the category of:  The List Of Film Characters That Could Alternatively Replace DEAR ABBY:

MARTHA, for the list entitled:  TOP TEN MOVIE CHARACTERS THAT COULD AND SHOULD WRITE A BEST-SELLING SELF-HELP BOOK (This is an insanely refreshing, inventive and amusing list that must have required a lot of thought.  Thanks for sending it in!)

In the category of:  The Sweetest List Submitted, By Far!:

N-LESS PENNIES, for her lovely list entitled:   MY TOP FIVE FILMS. (I have just loved Reese Witherspoon since I saw THE MAN IN THE MOON.  Good job, sweetie!)

In the category of:  The Only List Submission That Was Smart Enough To Be Accompanied By A Bribe (His Pix Of His 3 Year-Old Are Just Adorable!):

KIRSTOPHER, for his list entitled:  THE TOP 10 MOVIES THAT ARE ACHING TO BE MADE FUN OF BY ANYONE INVOLVED WITH MST3K (Good going!  I thought I was the only one who had suffered through IN THE NAME OF THE KING:  A DUNGEON SIEGE TALE. So now you can start working on that Sweep Pan list, eh?)  (I OWN MITCHELL, which I believe to be THE funniest MST3KEVER.  So, Joel vs. Mike?  What’s your opinion?)

In the category of:  The Most Versatile List, Brought To Us By The Mastermind Of NWFF Programming, Who Makes Coming To The Theatre Such A Educational Pleasure (Without Being TOO PBS!):

ADAM, for his list entitled: TOP 10 0F 2008  (VERTIGO is my fave Hitch of all time!)  (You’d think it’d be MARNIE, huh?)  (And how are things at Liberate EweAdam is also an amazing Video Artist–am I using the right term?)

In the category of:  Undoubtedly The Most Money-Making List Of All The Top 10’s, From Our Astute Mathematician:

SUSIE, for her list entitled:  TOP 10 GROSSING RUNS OF 2008 (The ones I came to were MISTER LONELY, TO THE LIMIT and MONSIEUR VERDOUX, by the way.  Which ones were your faves?)  (Has anyone spoken to you about your unhealthy obsession with box-office totals?  I’m sure there’s some sort of therapy for it available–God knows they’ll take your MONEY!)

In the category of:  The Biggest Showoff, With TWO Top 10 Lists To His Credit, Thereby Making The Rest Of Us Look Bad:

PETER, for his lists entitled:  POP TEN (The list most likely to put one into a diabetic coma–SPEED RACER? Really?!  Hmm.  However,  I would say to all who think they dislike WALK HARD:  THE DEWEY COX STORY that they need to know that the FUNNY version (and the one that actually makes sense, is the Director’s Cut–the theatrical version leaves out the ‘70‘s, and some of the funniest bits in the film, right?!  Gimme an AMEN, somebody!).  And thanks for BEST DEAD  2008! (When THE TABLET was still in Seattle, it had this great column, called (I think I have it right) THE HOLLYWOOD DEATH WATCH, that would keep one clued in on obscure deaths of notable Hollywood/entertainment figures.  (They started it because when Huntz Hall died, and they ran the dead people list that year on the OSCARS, no one in the audience knew who the hell he was, so they had to run his name TWICE.   (AAARRGGHH!!))  Now that THE TABLET is in Portland, they’ve discontinued the column, thanks for taking the time and trouble to do the list!)

In the category of:  The List Of The Chick With The Coolest Taste in Retro Film, From Someone Not Even A Twinkle In The Eyes Of Her Parents At The Time These Films Came Out:

MIZ RYAN, for the list entitled:  TOP 10 HERE AT HOME (I saw COMING HOME & BULLITT when they originally ran in theatres.  You’d figure that as Jon Voight won the OSCAR for COMING HOME, more people would know about it, huh?)

In the category of:  Instinctively Getting What Films Were Important In The 60’s List:

WEN, for the list entitled:  TOP 10 PICKS FROM THE 60’S (See above. Very perceptive choices!  I should know.)

In the category of:  Best List of YOUTUBE Videos To Sing Along To, Because They’re SIMPLY OBAMA-SISTABLE! (And The Only List You Could Actually Watch In An Hour-ish):

LIZ, for  the list entitled:  TOP 10 OBAMA YOUTUBE VIDEOS OF 2008 (Can you imagine how punishing the rehearsals must have been, to learn to sing  those lyrics to the beat of that song?!  This list was seriously clever fun!)

In the category of:  Definitely The List That Was The Most Cultured, Encompassing ALL Of The Arts, From Our New Fearless Leader!:

LYALL, for the list entitled (daringly):  TOP NINE (Clearly, I have ALOT to learn from YOU!)

In the category of:  The Film Expert Who Fearlessly Dared To Bare Her Fun Side (Which Naturally Ended Up Being The List With The Most Carbs!):

PAM, for the list entitled:  POPCORN MOVIES OF 2008 (You just know it’s Mickey and Heath for OSCAR gold this year!  I ADORED the THUNDER, and yes, aren’t HAROLD AND KUMAR just GREAT?!!)  (I recommend the Director’s Cuts, if you haven’t seen them yet–Neil Patrick Harris is just hysterical–I taped him on SNL last week– it was like an awesome, dude, show!  Actually funny for once!)

And, appropriately, we end with:

In the category of:  The List Of The Man Who Has The Best Perspective On Film Than ANYONE At NWFF, Our Master Projectionist!:

MATT, for the list entitled:  BEST OF THE YEAR FROM THE BOOTH (My ex and I used HAROLD AND MAUDE as a litmus test, if the people we were considering becoming friends with didn’t get it, we lost their phone numbers.  At this point I think I’ve seen it at least 20 times.  Perhaps we could lay down some sort of film law, give cinephiles a year to see it, or we laugh them out of the theatre, with a request they never return, and hand out a frying pan as a parting gift?  Whaddaya think?)  (And thanks for letting me bastardize your title for my own Top 10 List!)

So boys and girls, that’s it.  Please forgive if I spelled names or lists wrong, at this point I’m too exhausted to look any more stuff up.  Now to the After Party!!  (We’ll make fun of the clothes from the Red Carpet tomorrow.)

THANK YOU FOR PARTICIPATING!!!  Hope to see you next year!

Conceived, Written, Produced and Directed by THE LITHUANIAN BAKING COMPANY, Copyright 2009.


Advertisements

One Response to “NOW, REALLY AND TRULY, THE ACTUAL RESULTS OF THE 1ST ANNUAL “MOST CREATIVE TOP TEN FILM LIST” CHALLENGE OF 2008! (OH, AND I GUESS WE GOT A NEW PRESIDENT, TOO!)”

  1. Kirstopher Roedig Says:

    Joel, of course! He’s the founder and the originator!

Comments are closed.


%d bloggers like this: